A New Year and Resolutions

I'm not usually into making New Year's resolutions. Mainly because I think I make numerous kinds of resolutions throughout the year. I don't really need to wait for a new one to begin before doing so. But for some reason this New Year's Eve I'm feeling like it's a good time to take stock of my life to date and think through what I want to get accomplished in 2006. So here's the current list revolving in my head:

1. Finish my dissertation--must get this done so I can get a job!
2. Go on the job market in fall 2006--I want to have most of my dissertation in draft form by the time I start applying in September.
3. Get 1-2 more academic publications--I have one now, but a few more couldn't hurt.
4. Visit Charlie and Monkey out in LA--I haven't seen either of them for ages and now that they are conveniently located in the same area I want to make the most of that opportunity and visit them. I think I'll do this in the summer. Hopefully I can hit a good show or two when I'm back in Cali.
5. Maintain current fitness regimen--I've already managed to go down one size (woo-hoo!) and I've been feeling a lot more energetic since I started going to the gym.
6. Get a publishing contract for my novel (and maybe the sequel)--Hey, it could happen. I'm working on it. I gotta pay off my government debt somehow...
7. Go to MLA in December whether I have a job interview or not--Joanna and I are set on doing this. We think it could be worthwhile even if we don't have any immediate prospects.
8. Get a dissertation fellowship of some kind--I've already applied for several, but most of them don't notify until spring 2006, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Any extra cash and CV-liscious lines are great.
9. Make better/more consisten use of my Netflix account--I know this might seem kind of trivial, but I frequently go for months where I hold onto the same movies without watching them. I don't get charged late fees but I'm paying for a service that I'm not using consistently and I know I can.
10. Make time for dating--I've sort of been off the dating/relationship bandwagon for a while now. Usually I consider myself too busy to bother. And I haven't really met anyone who's gotten me really interested in a while. So I think I need to be keeping myself a bit more open to this. And Violet and Joanna are quite dedicated to helping me improve my lackluster flirting skills.

That's the list. What are your hopes for the new year?

P.S. I've updated my music playlist on the right side bar for those interested.

Batman Begins and British Manstravaganza!

I'm ashamed to admit, big comic book nerd that I am, that I didn't see Batman Begins in the theater when it came out. Honestly, I meant to. But with one thing or another it just didn't happen. So when it came out on DVD I put it at the top of my Netflix queue and it arrived today. Well. Let me just say, while I'm waiting for my Jake Gyllenhaal fix (Brokeback Mountain finally gets here next Friday!) Christian Bale will totally do. The man is ripped. Seriously ripped. Violet and I were watching the movie together and we just couldn't handle the hotness factor! Because not only is Christian Bale in it, but Cillian Murphy is in the movie as well! Sweet Jesus! The hottie quotient of the film is crazy. I mean Katie Holmes is in it and all, but quite frankly I forgot her character's name after the first ten minutes and she was so peripheral to the narrative that I didn't really focus on her much. All the pertinent interactions occur between Christian Bale and Liam Neeson, or CB and Cillian Murphy (so hot! I had me a little Velvet Goldmine moment or two), or CB and Michael Caine, or CB and Gary Oldman. Talk about the ultimate British manstravaganza wet dream! Dude! Throw Ewan McGregor in next time and they'll totally be set. It was awesome.

A Music Update

For those interested, here's what I've been listening to recently.

1. Tiny Amps~Trill and Swagger--This is a really great album, from the first "Dance on a Crowded Floor," which gets my alterna groove going, to quirkier fare like "Zombies" that sort of floats you out on a cloud of lazy guitar riffs. Their lead singer sounds like a weird mellower version of Mike Ness. But maybe that's just my crazy ass interpretation. I don't know too much about them yet, but I definitely like this album.
2. Killjoy Confetti~The Fun Is--These chicks rock! They remind me a bit of early Sleater-Kinney meets some Bikini Kill. Some nice punk style wailing and rough guitar playing on some songs, but all with a fair amount of precision. I think my favorite track is "Things I wanna Do."
3. The Rakes~Capture/Release--These Brit boys have been touring with Franz Ferdinand in the UK at some shows. They've got a very Brit flavor mingled with new wave and punk influenced tunes (some Sex Pistols, The Clash, et al). They've got spunk and a great sense of sarcasm. Some songs are better than others, but this is definitely worth getting a copy of. I especially like "Retreat," "We are all animals," "Terror" and "Work, work, work (Pub, Club, Sleep)."
4. Sufjan Stevens~Come on Feel the Illinoise--I don't quite know how this album passed me by for so long. Especially as it's being touted as the #1 album of 2005 in indie circles. Stevens has been doing a cross-country musical journey, creating an album for each state. He's only done a couple so far, so he has a long way to go. But this is his one for Illinois. (Monkey might enjoy this!) If nothing else, one must at least look at the wonderfully exotic song titles for each track.
5. The Dials~Flex Time--Yay! More chicks who rock! There's an upbeat vibe to this album and great guitar thrumming going on. You could almost picture these girls as the cool garage band down the road who irritate all the neighbors with their loud and boisterous playing. The songs are all short sweet little gems that make you want to move. "Phone Line" has hit single written all over it.
6. The New Pornographers~Twin Cinema--Shout out to my fellow Canucks! Their albums just keep getting better and better. A.C. Newman knows quality pop rock when he hears it and can crank out the stuff better than anyone I've heard recently. Plus, Neko Case on board makes things even cooler. This album has been on a lot of top music of 2005 lists.
7. We are Scientists~With Love and Squalor--These Aussies are hella catchy! I think I like every song on this album. There's definitely some teeny angst to their lyrics, but you can look past this because the tunes are so great. And there's something rather cute and earnest about these lads and their emotional baggage of adolescence that doesn't grate. Right now it's only available via import, but should hit US music stores some time in January.
8. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah~Clap Your Hands Say Yeah--I'm still working through this one. Lots of hype for them going in indie music circles and I can see why. But I think the album takes some gradual listening to get into fully.
9. Wolf Parade~Apologies to Queen Mary--More Canucks! Huzzah! The Canadian indie scene is just exploding these days, which is awesome. And this album is an interesting one, with a lot of keyboard-heavy new wave style tunes in indie fashion. The lead singer has been said to have a strong David Bowie affinity to his voice, which I must agree with. If you like Arcade Fire, you'll like this Montreal group's debut.
10. Ladytron~The Witching Hour--I'm not usually much of an electronica fan, but this most recent album by Ladytron is the best thing in the genre I've heard in ages. I feel some echoes of early Depeche Mode going on, and the lead singer's voice is an eerily haunting synthesized warble at times. I especially like "Destroy everything you touch" and "International Dateline."
11. Art Brut~Bang Bang Rock and Roll--This album has gotten quite a few laughs out of me. Not only does it have a great sense of humor, but there's a lot of intelligent irony going on. Of course, they're Brits. Perhaps that's why. It's hard to classify where this album fits musically, but it offers some scathing critique on the current music scene and the wannabe punksters. The songs are all well crafted and diverse. Check it out!

Holiday Swag!!!

Yesterday a glorious package arrived in the mail from my good friend Charlie who lives in LA. We've been pals since high school. We're sort of entertainment geeks together. I introduced him to good music, he showed me the nerdy fun of great comics and cheesy martial arts movies. You know how it goes. So anyway, a while back I'd emailed him imploring him to hunt down some obscure albums I could not get in my hillbilly neck o' the woods. I of course told him I'd pay him for these CDs. But then, lo and behold, he sends me a huge honkin' box of swag for X-Mas! Not only did he find ALL the CDs I was looking for, but he also made me a mixed CD of new shit and one of Radiohead B-sides. And that's not all! He bought me: the complete Firefly DVD collection, the Serenity DVD, 3 sumurai movies, the best of Mystery Science Theater 3000, and a Radiohead DVD of live performances. Talk about awesome! Now I really need to fly out to LA this summer to visit him and Monkey.

So right now I'm enjoying my new CDs and plan to post a review of stuff sometime in the near future. I'll probably update my music playlist as well.

I'm making progress on novel #2 (100 pages!) and will update on that soon as well. I'm excited because I've almost made it to the point in the novel where a really cool action sequence is set to occur. I'd envisioned this early on when I was still writing the first one, so I'm itching to get into it some time tomorrow.

On yet another happy note, I finally managed to get my digital camera working. Yay! Now I'm set to chronicle my New Year's inebriation. I think Violet and I are going to a party and then out dancing! I'm a little bummed that my new black lace duster jacket won't get here until after the New Year. I've been pining after it for the last few months, but could not rationalize spending $75 for what amounts to a skimpy amount of black lace material that's all for show and not practicality. But then after X-mas the store was having a clearance sale online and it was down to $36!!! So I nabbed that puppy straight away (along with a lovely satin pink top!). I was hoping to wear them for New Year's but there was some problem with UPS and now the package isn't scheduled to arrive until Jan. 4th. Now I have to come up with an alternate outfit....

Surviving the Holidays and Procrastinating

I have survived another X-mas alone! In actuality I had a good time vegging out and watching movies and anime. Something I haven't had time to do in ages. I also finished up my edits and sent them out to the journal. So now I just need to write a "3-5 sentence" bio that will accompany my piece. I'm not really sure what the hell I should be writing for that though. But I have until Monday at least to get it to them.

So you might be wondering (or not, given my current fangirl obsession) why there's yet another JG pic on this blog. Do I really need to explain? Perhaps. Well, I was talking with Violet about Brokeback Mountain (we both want to see it) and she was telling me that she had intended to make me a little JG collage for X-Mas, but couldn't find good (in her mind "good"=as close to naked as possible) pics of him in any magazines. She then tells me how she is planning to write, and I quote, "a strongly worded letter" to the editors of Premiere magazine in response. I don't read it myself so I can't really voice an opinion at present, but she claims that while they do scantily clad photos of females all the men are very well covered (I believe "layers" of clothing were angrily described). If that is in fact the case, I would agree about the need for a little bit of even exchange. Well anyway, we were talking about this in the Borders magazine aisle and I quite literally got out of my mouth "Oh, Details used to have pretty good pictures..." just as I pulled the most recent issue out of the rack only to see none other than Jake Gyllenhaal looking back at me on the cover. At which point we both screeched something or other and probably frightened numerous customers. It was pretty damn funny. But then we began pawing through it and lo and behold, every picture of him is completely covered up. I mean, seriously, in one of them he looks ready to go trekking in the snow (sweater, scarf, heavy jacket). Not that they weren't great pictures. I mean, he is supremely hot and all. But is this a new trend? I haven't been keeping up with entertainment mags, but when I did (i.e. back in high school) I seem to recall more scantily clad men at a comparable ratio to the women. This is bugging me now. I'm going to have to investigate in more detail from now on each time I'm in the magazine section of a bookstore.

Yes. So procrastinating. The other topic of my blog today. I haven't made any progress on the most recent chapter for my dissertation just yet. I meant to work on it earlier today but then Violet and I went out for lunch and walked at the park for an hour. Then I got home and didn't feel like doing work. So I watched a movie and then I got online and AIMed with a friend of mine in California. I really need to get cracking as the vacation is going to be over soon. Here's to hoping my procrastination will give way tomorrow!

It's getting cold and I need something to warm me up...

It's Florida but it's bloody well 35 freaking degrees out! And it sure as shit feels like it too. This evening I decided to take a nice long walk down to retail central (Best Buy) in order to buy myself some movies. Merry X-Mas to me, yay! In keeping with my still unabated lust for Jake Gyllenhaal, I bought Bubble Boy and the Director's Cut of Donnie Darko. (Shout out to Monkey--if you EVER see JG in LA, you MUST get his autograph or a stealthy photo for me!) I also bought: Quills, Spiderman 2, Where the Sidewalk Ends, Starsky and Hutch (for slashiness of course), and Resident Evil: Apocalypse (it was only $7.99 and I love crappy horror movies, especially with chicks kicking ass! So shush.). Since I'm a lowly pedestrian (remember, grad student=no money) I had to walk there, which takes about 35-40 minutes from my apartment. It was nice and brisk when I left the house at 6:00 but by the time I got to Best Buy and I'd looked around and bought my stuff it was after 8:00 before I started heading back. By then it was really freaking cold. I hadn't dressed appropriately either--t-shirt and fleece pullover. The instant I got home I made myself a much needed cup of hot chocolate. Mmmm! And then, I put on Bubble Boy. I hadn't seen it before, but it was surprisingly funny and cute. JG is just too adorable in it. I became rather transfixed by his gorgeous eyes (so blue, so dreamy!) and those succulent lips that are just asking to be kissed, alas most likely by Kirsten Dunst. Lucky wench.

I decided I deserved some new movies after I got bad news this morning. My dad, step-mom, and the two youngest kids were coming to visit me for a few days but now it turns out my little brother has pneumonia and they aren't going to be able to come. This really bummed me out but I hope my brother gets better soon. I've had pneumonia and it's terrible. My step-mom was talking about scrambling to buy me a last minute ticket to come home for a few days so I wouldn't be alone the whole holiday. Unfortunately it isn't going to work out. Firstly, I don't want them to pay an outrageous fee to fly me home for a couple of days. And secondly, I can't really afford to be around someone with pneumonia. Respiratory ailments plague my family and I'm especially susceptible to those kinds of infections. The chances of me contracting pneumonia from my brother are inordinately high. I don't have any real medical insurace at the moment (the university doesn't give two shits about grad students' health) and I have to be functional to teach in January. So I thanked them for the offer but told them it wouldn't be wise. They were understandably sad. But I am too. It's going to be kind of crappy staying here alone but now I have some fun movies to watch at least.

I need to be working on my novel. Although, I did run the whole plot for a different book I'm working on by my current critique partner (and my romance book swap buddy) who was very excited about my ideas and offered some helpful perspective in terms of developing my whole narrative mythos (which is sort of crucial to paranormal stories). She's going to get a mad shout out in the acknowledgements of that one whenver it hits the stands someday.

So I have one literary agent with the first 30 pages of novel #1 and another with the first three chapters. By now they are most likely out of the loop for the holidays so I know I can't expect to hear anything until January, but here's to hoping! Talk about a fantastic way to start the New Year...I wish! We'll see. I'm feeling optimistic. Or at least I'm making myself feel optimistic. I do not accept defeat. I'm rather tenacious and intractable when it comes to my professional dreams and aspirations. And I've always managed to achieve what I've set out to do so far. Now if only I could have the same kind of focus, dedication, and go-getter gusto when it comes to my love life.

My experience with post-doc science boy (who was quite cute but way too invested in spending his free time roughing it in the wild) left me feeling rather disheartened. He was the best prospect I've had for longer than I care to admit and he just left me cold. Plus, his cologne was hideously strong and mildly peppery, which gave me a terrible headache. Whatever happened to plain old soap and deodorant folks? Or if you feel so inclined to delve into the aromatic scents, be sparing! Don't take a bath in your imposter perfume collection. Yuck! So anyway, two days ago I was taking another long walk (need alternate exercise outlet now that the university gym is closed until January) and I was accosted by a strange little man. Now I don't mean this to be hugely disparaging, but he was a good head shorter than me. I had to look down. That's typically a hard turn-off for me to ignore. I mean, a guy doesn't need to be a hulking behemoth or anything, but he needs to at least be at eye level with me.

So this guy, who was riding his bike but got off, follows me and starts chatting me up. He was being very nice and not overtly pervy or anything so I decided to be civil. He's apparently studying tax law (Ha! Monkey will get a kick out of this!) and he's an international student. I'm not sure where he's from originally, but he told me his name is Majid (?). Anyhoo, we had a nice chat but he just wasn't generating any chemistry from me. This might be due to the fact that not only is he considerably shorter than me, but also wiry thin. I'm sorry, but if I think I can quite literally pick a guy up and fling him over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, well...I just don't want to go there. I have fears that I would break him. And it quite frankly doesn't turn me on. But it was nice getting some attention from an interested guy.

Okay, enough of my random musings. I'm off to work on novel #2.

It's an all anime X-Mas!

So, after much deliberation as to how I should spend my lonesome X-Mas, I have decided to gorge myself on an anime fest! Yes, that's right Monkey, I'm going to be watching Ranma 1/2, along with other favorites like Pretear, Kyou Kara Maoh, Gravitation, Fushigi Yugi, and Full Moon O Sagashite. Ah, the sweetness. A long weekend of bishies, drama, romance, and comedy. It will be good fun. Especially since I've been far too busy this semester to really watch any of my anime. Plus, I even bought X months ago and haven't watched it yet (shame on me, I know). Well that will be remedied. Once I finish my article revisions and send them off tomorrow, the fest shall begin in earnest. Huzzah!

I'm even planning to try my hand at teriyaki pizza. One must always have sustenance during a long anime fest of course. :)

The Sexiness that is Nip/Tuck

Welcome my sweets to my first online musings about the fabulous show Nip/Tuck. I just finished watching the two hour season finale and I have to let my inner TV whore out of her cage to gush about how cool it was. *Warning: Spoilers ahead* Let me preface this discussion by noting that I only just started watching this show at the beginning of this season, so I saw the re-run finale of last season and have watched a good majority of the episodes for this season. I was immediately drawn into the whole "Carver" narrative (and of course the wonderfully hot Julian McMahon). Then of course the delightful Bruno Campos became a regular on the show as Quentin and I was hooked. I'd really loved him in that crap ass TV show "Jesse" with Cristina Applegate that was out a few years back. His character was pretty one dimensional, but altogether adorable. But I immediately loved that he was playing such a sarcastic smartass on Nip/Tuck. Not to mention, a bisexual one at that. The episode where he, Christian, Kimber, and the detective Kit start getting into a foursome is...unbelievably hot. Especially when Quentin grabs Christian's ass. Unfortunately that ends up breaking up the attempted orgy, but still.

Anyway, there are a lot of interesting things going on in this show. And being someone who does gender studies I'm always intrigued by shows that are a bit more daring in terms of the sexual issues they present. Nip/Tuck has run the gamut in many respects. We had Famke Jensen playing a post-op MTF, the bratty teenage son character having sex with her and then going into identity crisis mode once he realizes he's in love with a transsexual. Then there's Elizabeth the slightly butch lesbian character who works as the anesthesiologist.

Of course, the show is not utopian or necessarily majorly progressive in terms of its representation of queer sexuality. Famke Jensen's character has, for the moment, disappeared in Europe. Whether she will come back remains to be seen. The bratty teen son displayed some violent homophobia after he realizes her secret, although he manages to somewhat redeem himself in the season finale, all while the show reasserts his heterosexuality by giving him a "real" but psychotic girlfriend. It's up in the air as to what will happen with his character in future. Elizabeth is an out lesbian, but of course has no girlfriend (very desexualized in that regard). And Quentin turns out to be the pathologized queer character who is...shock of shocks (not!)...the Carver. I saw this coming ages ago, and was secretly hoping it wouldn't be the case. The finale reveals several interesting things about his character. Firstly, it turns out, in an interesting twist that Quentin was actually born without a penis (an in-utero birth defect). So he's evidently been using a strap-on to rape his victims. Interesting, but also problematic. Not surprisingly the butch lesbian gets hauled in as a suspect. But no, we find out it is indeed Quentin who's been carving up people in retaliation for his lack of penis and the cruelty he's suffered at the hands of mainstream society. And yet...he plays a very rational and eerily calm killer. Not the typical deranged psychopath that we often see once the mask has been shed.

Consequently there were quite a few little things that I enjoyed about the ending of the season finale despite my initial problems with the Quentin=Carver plot. For one, instead of going the typical route of killing off said character (which initially it seems is going to happen) the show puts a fun spin on what happens to the Carver. At first it seems like he's been killed. Kit storms in just in time to rescue the docs from being tortured and maimed and shoots Quentin dead. She then "closes" the case, but imparts a parting tidbit of info to Christian and Sean. Namely, Quentin was raised in an orphanage and had...a SISTER! Well, she too had her own deformity (of course) which we learn was the product of...INCEST! (Catja will love this as she does a lot of research on incest narratives in fandom) Anyhoo, after Kit leaves the docs feel a little suspicious and start checking into her story...then, we see someone going into the morgue and freeing Quentin, who has been "playing dead" of course. Turns out Kit is his sister. (Not a huge surprise by this point, but fun nonetheless). They then manage to head off to Spain where we see them being decidely unsibling-like in their affections and plotting out their next victims. I have to admit, I was enormously pleased by this ending. For one, it leaves room for them to return next season. For another it doesn't repeat the formulaic Hollywood trend to kill off the queer character who must not ultimately transgress the stability of the heteronormative universe of the narrative. So this, for me, was a really nice change of pace. Now obviously, as killers, Quentin and Kit are rendered deviant subjects in the story, but at the same time their characters are soooo likeable and compelling that you can't help but root for them. In many ways they make Christian and Sean look like utter boobs. Kit is tough as nails and witty to boot. Quentin is sarcastic and perceptive. They both make Sean and Christian look like mental midgets and superficial idiots in contrast. I really like the sibling parallelism going on. Kit and Quentin act as excellent foils to Christian and Sean, while also bringing out what the sexually suspect undertones the more straight-laced docs convey in more subtle ways. As much as I like Julian McMahon, I would almost rather watch a show focused on Quentin and Kit. But then again, my tastes are a little bit quirky. I just hope the show continues to push the envelope without copping out. And I really hope the next season starts early this summer!

Even Fantasizing about Bling can't Eliminate Stress

*sigh* I really want some bling for X-Mas. But I don't think I'll be getting any. In fact, I'm not really expecting much in the way of presents since I already got my holiday gift early--a new computer. And believe me, I love my new baby. We've been together now for a few months and each day my love grows. I have to emphasize how special this computer is, largely because I'd been suffering with an old ass 1997 laptop up until it went kaput at the beginning of fall semester. Now I'm able to have DSL (huzzah!) rather than crappy dial up and I can do all the fun stuff I couldn't before. Like store my entire music collection as mp3 files! I soooooo want an iPod for my birthday.

But I digress. Bling. It always makes me happy. It doesn't even have to be the real stuff, just so long as it's shiny and sparkly. I really want these matching choker and bracelet combos in the pic. In my mind I've already plotted out different outfits I could wear them with. I would look so fabulous. *sigh*

Unfortunately, fantasizing about bling is not alleviating my current stress. First of all, I need to finish final edits on my article that's getting published and send it off. But every time I look at it I start getting queasy and freaked out about the fact that it's going to appear in a major print journal. I'm being totally neurotic, I know, but I need to sit down and get this shit done by Friday or else I'll never be able to relax over the holidy. At the same time I have to start working on my next chapter, as I've promised committee members a draft by the time we return in January. I can't seem to focus on it though. Instead I get sucked into working on my various novels that I'm writing. Yes, I'm writing several--okay, three. Am I totally nuts or what? And they are ALL the going to be part of different series! They're all quite different, but still in the paranormal chick lit/romance genre. I know. I should really be concentrating on one (namely the sequel to my first novel) and getting it finished. Instead I seem to be hopping between them and adding bits here and there. Now I'm sort of feeling pulled in so many different directions that I'm not sure which I want to work on--and thus I'm getting nothing done. This is partly due to the fact that I feel guilty about working on creative writing when I should be doing research. So for the last few days I've been doing...nothing. Well, I mean I've been watching movies and obsessing about Jake Gyllenhaal, but you know what I'm saying. Nothing tangibly productive.

Jarhead and the Homoerotics of Military Films

On Saturday night I went to see Jarhead with two of my friends (incidently, the same two who pestered me to see Donnie Darko and who I now blame for my Jake Gyllenhaal crush--curse you evil wenches!).

The film was a lot better than I was expecting, but I have to admit I must attribute it largely to JG's ultra-sculpted bod on frequent display for the viewer. *Warning: The following are my shameless eroticized musings about JG, so you may want to tune out.* Okay, so this pic only reveals part of what's going on...namely JG wearing another santa hat over his unmentionables--AND NOTHING ELSE! I know what I want for X-Mas dear Santa...mmmm...excuse me while I momentarily lapse back into that visual memory. Ahem. Sorry. Additionally, there is a brief but incredibly hot scene where JG is giving it to his girlfriend against this wall...and he's totally naked. I have never seen a man with a more perfect ass in all of my 26 years on this planet. And his back...again with the sculpting...it makes me want to lick him all over. *sigh*

Anyway, the film actually had a fairly interesting narrative, especially given our current moment in Iraq--one that is quite different from the Persian Gulf War, and yet eerily similar in terms of motivation. But I think what I found most fascinating about the film (other than the obvious JG hotness) was the homoeroticism of the military itself. Of course the story takes place before the "don't ask, don't tell" BS Clinton established. So JG's character has numerous initiations that require he assert his masculinity. Marine captains frequently refer to their dicks and the whole cleaning of the rifle sequences had me turned on for the sheer sexuality of the whole process. The recruits are taught early on that they have to refer to their rifle in the following way: "This is my rifle, there are many like it but this one is mine." Hmmm...can we say penis subsitute folks? This is then followed by much cleaning and stroking of said rifle. Needless to say, it was quite hot.

Then we have this one particular scene out in the desert where, under the heat of the scorching sun (like some Playgirl-esque beer commercial waiting to happen), the marines start undressing as they mime fucking and sucking one another. This is of course supposed to humiliate their commanding officer in front of the news reporters and generated good laughs from the audience, but at the same time there's a certain ironic realism to the whole situation. The guys are all feeling sexually frustrated because they're separated from their wives and girlfriends for a long time (lots of references to this) and you get the sense that some of them wouldn't mind turning to their comrades for a little lovin'. Incidently, there are no female officers in the film which I found rather interesting. I don't know the gendered details of the Persian Gulf War, but surely there were some female officers? This of course added to the obvious homosocial and at times homoerotic bonding between the men.

So this had me reflecting back on other military/war films I've seen, which isn't all that many since I don't tend to enjoy them. But I was forced as a child to watch The Dirty Dozen with my dad, and I distinctly recall a certain special something going on between Lee Marvin and Charles Bronson. Indeed, since most of these types of films focus on a small band of male friends trying to survive, it's almost impossible to ignore desire when death is all around. I'm not saying characters in these films are gay per se, but I think that war places men in interesting kinds of bonding situations in these narratives that often resonatese with a certain homoerotic undercurrent. And I find that really interesting and hugely ironic given the rabid homophobia within the military itself.

How I Have Sunk to New Levels of Nerdiness

First, let me say the Eeyore-like cloud of self-indulgent melancholy from last night has left. For the most part I'm a pretty upbeat person, but I have my moments like everyone else. I have to say, it was actually my nerdiness that sort of cheered me up. You see, I went to see Pride and Prejudice again with one of my friend's who still hadn't seen it. I had a blast! I'd of course extolled the hunky virtues of Matthew MacFadyen to her, but she had to see it to believe it. He just grows on you. Mmmmm...he's so delectable when wet! And quite frankly, does the best "I love you" I've ever seen. Damn he's convincing! And wonderfully shy and adorable, but passionate while doing it. I've never met anyone who could say those words so perfectly.

I've also made plans to satisfy my new Jake Gyllenhall crush by going to see Jarhead tomorrow night. I'm not anticipating an uplifting film, but I pretty much plan to ogle JG in all his cuteness. Yep. I have sunk to new levels of nerdiness.

Is it wrong that I'm still crushing on movie stars now that I'm an adult? Don't get me wrong, I interact with "real" men. But lately I just haven't met anyone worthwhile or remotely interesting (who's at least single as well!). Developing early bibliophilic tendencies probably predisposed me to engage with fictional characters better than real people. Or maybe it just made me want real people to be equally interesting and I always ended up disappointed. Unfortunately, in my current locale, which is populated by a large number of undergrad frat boys, I have yet to meet anyone who really turns my crank and stimulates my mind as well. For some odd reason, I keep getting matched up with guys who are outdoor-sports-camping-roughing-it-in-the-wild freaks! Well, to me they are freakish. I happen to enjoy the creature comforts of urban living thank you very much. I do not care to rough it in a tent in the middle of some Texas Chainsaw Massacre style nowhereland. I do not want to bicycle around the state of Florida in my free time. I do not want to tailgate/attend/watch any sports game. Ever. Absolutely no fucking interest folks. These things are just not for me. I will go to concerts. I will go to the theater, the movies, the opera. I will go out dancing (despite lacking much skill in that department) or karaoke-ing. I will even go bowling or play pool, but that's the extent of my sportswomanship. I will go to a museum, go shopping, or out to dinner. I will travel around the world. I will organize parties and special alone time events. I will engage in stimulating conversation about books, films, politics, philosophy, etc. But I will not become "roughing it au natural girl." I just don't get why I keep being matched up with these people. Aren't there guys out there anymore who prefer art and culture to sports and wilderness survival missions? It's so frustrating. When I was in undergrad I thought I'd meet these kinds of men in graduate English departments. Man was I wrong! From my experience, a significant majority of men in graduate English are gay. And I love them to pieces! But they definitely decrease potential dating pool candidates. The few straight guys I have met are frequently married already--their wives snatched them up early, lucky wenches! And the occassional single guy I meet is either emotionally unstable or unavailable. I somehow need to broaden my spectrum and search out the singles pools of other departments, but that's not terribly easy when one is in the humanities. We tend to cluster incestuously and rarely venture outside our own department. We have no real mixed socials or anything like that. And once you get to writing your dissertation you're already isolated from most of your department as well. It's very strange. Maybe I just need to graduate and get the hell out of Gainesville! :)

P.S. I have updated my novel progress to 25k. Woot! And I've edited my current music playlist of writerly inspiration. Check it out!

Mad World and My Holiday Funk

After all my talk about Brokeback Mountain (which still hasn't made it to Gainesville yet, dammnit!) I have to admit that I had never actually seen Jake Gyllenhall's most well known film--Donnie Darko. Due to some persistent pestering by friends I finally put it in my Netflix queue, and lo and behold it arrived the other day. Tonight I sat down and watched the Director's Cut. All I can say is wow. That film totally fucked with my head. And all while I lusted after Jake Gyllenhall and had torturous psychic regressions back to the most painful moments of high school. Talk about a twisted viewing experience! It was so surreal and the end of the film had me in tears. In some ways, not even because of what happens per se. It's the song. That damn slow piano version of Tears for Fears' "Mad World." I ended up madly searching the internet for it and found this amazing video version with school children making figures/images on the ground as filmed from the top of a building looking down--trippy, but definitely check it out. This version of the song will stay with you a while: http://www.devilducky.com/media/19312/

I've been listening to this song repeatedly for a while now. It's truly haunting. I don't know why I'm compulsively listening to it over and over, but I think it could be partly due to the holiday funk I find myself in all of a sudden. For the first time in a long while I'm spending Giftmas alone. All my friends are going to be out of town and no family will be around. It wouldn't be a big deal if I had an SO, but I don't. At this time of year I think being single can be a bit depressing, whereas most of the time I have no problem with it. But there's something about the holidays that really makes you want to curl up and cuddle with someone special. Maybe someone cute like JG! :)

I suppose I'll probably go to the movies on X-mas. One of the few places that's actually open. I really hope Brokeback Mountain is here by then as that would make my day. Otherwise I may have to go see HP a third time so I can admire Dan Radcliffe instead. Yes, I am that pervy.


Any other suggestions on how to combat the holiday blues without a special someone to shag senseless and cuddle up with?

Winter Break and the Quirky Realm of Academia

Today I had a most disturbing revelation. I have been so seamlessly integrated into the world of academia that I've forgotten the rest of the hoi polloi operates in a slightly different realm. Take for instance, the following: After a fabby potluck last night with friends, I woke up at 11:30 and slothed about for an hour attempting to nurse a mild wine induced hangover. Then my friend Joanna picked me up at 1:00 and we went to the gym to work out for an hour (and mock the frat boys petting their pecs and posing in front of the mirrors).

On the way there I was feeling a little bizarre/disoriented and our conversation went something like this:
Me: Is it Sunday? (vaguelly troubled) What day is it?
Joanna: Oh my God! I was thinking the same thing. (reflects for a moment) It's actually Wednesday. (mildly horrified)
Me: Shit, this winter vacation thing has me very confused. It still feels like the weekend.
Joanna: I know. I woke up and thought surely it must be Saturday.
Me: Cripes. We're really lucky wenches. Bless academia.
Joanna: Hell yes.
Me: It may not pay much, but at least we don't have to perform mindless drudgery for hours on end each week.
Joanna: Too true. We instead "do research" and teach undergrads how to write.
Me: Ah, yes. The good life.
Joanna: Yup.
I am fully aware of the fact that I'm utterly and completely spoiled. It's not that I don't do work. Teaching and writing a dissertation do take up large amounts of my time, but I can decide when I want to work on things and where. I can work out of my house (bless the internet!) and I only have to be on campus when I teach and have office hours. Being able to change and vary my schedule is incredibly important to my personal sanity. I've worked in the "real" world and I learned very quickly that it wasn't for me. If I was forced to work in some office day in and day out, performing mindless tasks, I'd definitely go postal. Thank goodness there is a refuge for those quirky non-conformists like myself. It's a land called academia--where there's always summer vacation, no 9-5 bullshit, and plenty of intellectual stimulation.

Food, Fun, and Friends

Last night I got a call from one of my best friends from undergrad. Huzzah! She has now been added to my list of blogging pals (see Monkey!). Anyway, it was so wonderful chatting with her. I really miss the good old days when we were roommates. It was like a non-stop sleepover! We have very similar living habits, so besides the occassional dispute, we got on famously. We watched movies, shared romance novels, went shopping together, gorged ourselves on the cheap Indian buffet down the street, and shared music. It was so great. It's hard to believe that it's been nearly six years since we graduated (eek!) and she's now a lawyer living the good life in southern California. (sigh, so jealous!) I on the other hand am still in school. Blargh. Must finish dissertation....

Anyway, Monkey has read my novel and she loved it! Yay! She's also thinking about writing her own chick-lit/romance novel about a lawyer, which I am offering my strong support for. We were riffing some ideas last night and I think she has all kinds of fabulous potential. She's always been a good writer and she is particularly adept at the witty quip or repartee. I can already forsee that her dialogue will have me in stitches. Good luck Monkey!

Meanwhile, I'm organizing a Yuletide Potluck at my abode this evening. I've already got the crockpot Chocolate Pudding Cake cooking away (it smells divine!) and I'm getting ready to start the veggie lasagna. I'm also going to try my hand at making mulled wine, but I'll wait a little closer to time before starting that. My guest list has expanded quite crazily and I'm wondering if we will all fit in my small one bedroom apartment. I sure hope so. Well, we'll just be "cozy" let's put it that way. And it seems like everyone is bringing fabulous food with them. It's going to be a veritable feast! A cornucopia of potluck goodness! I'm glad I've only eaten crackers and hummus today...I must save room for all the tasty offerings.

Update on all things writerly

Alas, Brokeback Mountain is not playing anywhere in my neck of the woods. I'm hoping it will get here soon, but until then I'll have to wait to continue my earlier discussion. Instead I've decided to give a little update on what's been going on with my writing!

I decided to combat my impatience over waiting to hear back from one agent by preparing my stuff to send to another one. I figure it can't hurt to have my work circulating among several people. Plus it gives me a higher probability of having one of them be interested! So I found another agency that I liked the look of. I've been very diligent in terms of researching different ones. I don't want to apply to any agents who are *huge* in the business, because they already have famous authors and probably very little time to deal with newbies. I also want to make sure the agent I pick likes paranormals and has at least one author on their roster that I like. If they work with people I don't like or have no interest in, I don't think they'll understand or be interested in my style or my narrative. I suppose that's probably pretty basic logic, but when I first started looking into the myriad literary agents out there it really forced me to think more particularly about what it was I wanted in an agent. Now, I'm hoping that will pay off soon! In the morning I'm getting ready to send out my query to this second agency and we'll see what happens. They indicate they have a one month review process, so I should hear back fairly quickly. Hurrah!

I've been making some headway with novel 2, but have run into a plotting conundrum. I'm not quite sure what I want to happen in the scene I've currently arrived at and how to segue into the next one most effectively. I've just introduced a new character and I need to set him up properly. This is fun, but requires me to go back to my plot notes and figure out what precisely I want to do with him. He'll be playing a relatively small role in this book, but will reappear in book 3 so I need to have him fully figured out early on. I think I'm up to the challenge though, especially now that winter break is here! Huzzah! No school! I still need to grade student papers (it sucks to be a poorly paid TA) and submit final grades for my class, but then I'm home free. Well...not entirely. I'm *supposed* to be working on my dissertation. Instead I seem to be devoting more time to novel writing. Escapism perhaps? I think so. But I have already promised my committee a draft of my next dissertation chapter in January, so I will get on it. Soon. I must graduate in 2007!

Bareback...er, Brokeback Mountain

I'm dying to see this movie. Not only because I'm a huge fan of Ang Lee's work, but because I'm a total sucker for slashiness. I mean, super hot Heath Ledger and cutie pie Jake Gyllenhall in a cowboy sandwich? Sign me up folks! Just watching some of the previews has given me enough fodder for personal fantasies for quite some time. I mean there is this kind of bizarre Harlequin romance vibe between them. Like Heath Ledger's character just wants to take Jake Gyllenhall and ravage him senseless. As I said. It looks incredibly hot.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to downplay the importance of this film or trivialize it as merely titillating fluff. It's already being hailed by numerous scholars and film critics alike as an important contribution to the queer film canon. And I think that the repressions and difficulty the characters have in even coming to terms with what they feel for each other speaks poignantly to problems we still face in our rabidly homophobic culture. Especially surrounding the question of male masculinity.

But I want to hold off on a longer discussion here until I've seen it.

To be continued...

Dan Radcliffe is too cute for his own good!

Okay, so I went and saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for the second time. And once again I felt like an utter and total perv because I find Dan Radcliffe way hot. I mean, a ten year age gap isn't really that big...right? :) No, but seriously, this young man is too cute for his own good. It doesn't help matters that he seems to be my musical soul mate. I was reading this interview with him and it sounds like we have the exact same music collection. It was uncanny! Any guy who loves the Pixies, Sex Pistols, Franz Ferdinand, and more obscure but brilliant stuff like Antony and the Johnsons and godspeed you black emperor already turns me on by the sheer quality of his musical inclinations. *sigh* I can't find guys my own age with equally good taste. Curses! This just makes me sad. Especially as a 26 year old gal like myself probably sounds like an aged crone in the eyes of a 16 year old (who is *ahem* nonetheless "legal" in the UK). :) But you know, Demi has given us older gals something to hope for in the years to come!

Anyway, I really hope this lad continues doing the HP films. I'm really looking forward to the next one as Book 5 is one of my favorites in the series. Plus, I think we really do need to chronicle his path to hottiedom. I'm sure he'll be up there with Jude Law, Ewan McGregor, et al from the British Isles some day soon.

Pride and Prejudice still lingering in my mind

Last weekend I went and saw the new film version of Pride and Prejudice. Now, like many a hard core fan of the BBC mini-series, I went in with low expectations and a number of fears. However, I was almost immediately sucked into this version and for several reasons that I shall now outline. *Warning: movie spoilers ahead!*
1) Although Keira Knightley isn't physically how I pictured Elizabeth, I thought she did a creditable job of conveying her character on screen and was immensely likeable.
2) I thought this version of the film was perhaps a bit more realistic in terms of depicting the economic discrepancies between the Bennett household and Darcy and Bingley's.
3) I really loved the creative cinematography--most especially during the Netherfield Ball when we see everything through doors and windows as the camera moves throughout the house giving us glimpses into what all of the characters are doing. And of course, the subsequent dance sequence between Darcy and Elizabeth! I loved that they created this moment where all the other dancers disappear and it's just them.
4) Amazing, absolutely amazing chemistry between Keira Knightley and Matthew MacFadyen. Because, let me tell you, initially when I saw posters with him as Mr. Darcy I was not immediately wowed by him. However, in next to no time at all, once the film started rolling I quickly became enamored with him and his many levels of hotness. To see what I mean, refer to the lovely image above.
5) *sigh* Matthew MacFadyen...where have you been all my life you sexy, sexy man? I have never seen anyone look so wonderful when wet in my life. Yummy! He and KK had this wonderfully erotic tension going throughout the entire film, without making it smutty (which isn't necessarily bad, but definitely wrong in the context of P&P!). Let's just say I left that film feeling...er, wanting--in a serious way. And I simply loved the fact that MM played Darcy as shy! I'm totally a sucker for shy guys...and when he confesses his love (both times!) it just about sent me into a fit of the vapors, if you know what I mean.

Needless to say, I think I may have to go and see this film again. And I sure as shit hope it comes out on DVD quickly!

Patience is a virtue I don't possess

It's been all of...oh, 4 days since I mailed off the first 30 pages of my manuscript to the literary agent who liked my query letter. The rational side of my brain tells me that a) it probably only just arrived yesterday, b) she undoubtedly hasn't even glanced at it yet, let alone opened it, c) it's totally unreasonable to expect that she will contact you any moment now, and d) she estimated up to two months before I could expect to hear back, which it could very well take. But I'm fidgety and anxious. Probably because this is the first agent I've sent my material to and I find the whole adventure thrilling but stressful. I realize that I should be preparing myself for very probable rejection. But because one of my good friends, and a romance reading afficianado, was instantly hooked after reading the first book and keeps harrassing me to finish the next one, I have high hopes for this agent being intrigued enough to want to read the whole manuscript. I'm certainly keeping my fingers crossed, but the waiting is already driving me bonkers! I've never been a particularly patient person and this experience is showing me just how much of a character flaw that can in fact prove to be. (sigh)

So I've been trying to distract myself by plugging away at the sequel. I'm having a blast and anticipate hitting the hundred page mark some time in the near future. If things go as planned, I may even have a first draft done by the beginning of the New Year. Which would be good considering the fact that I actually have three other books that I've begun work on for different series I'm envisioning in the future. It's really sort of scary, but after writing one novel it seems like my mind has become a veritable wellspring of ideas that are demanding to be put on paper this instant. My muse is definitely feeling frisky these days so it would be nice to get a publishing contract sometime in the next six months so that I'm not writing novels just for shits and giggles. Getting paid to do this would be a nice bonus. Especially considering the fact that I have massive student loans I'm going to have to start paying back once I graduate in 2007. It's not all that far off, and the prospect of repaying over $30,000 gives me the cold sweats. Literally.

Lately though, one thing I've been considering is what the cover of my novel might look like. I really want to avoid any horrid, tacky, or just plain weird images (a la Harlequin, Ellora's Cave, etc.). Don't get me wrong. I've read my fair share of books from both, but the covers! Why? Is there some evil sadistic mastermind behind these things, plotting ways to get readers NOT to buy romance novels? I mean, how often does a crap cover just turn you off? I usually don't even read the back if the front looks bad. But I suppose writers don't have a whole lot of control over those kinds of things. I just hope that if my novel gets published I can get a decent cover that I won't be ashamed to call my own.

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog! Feel free to read my profile to learn more about me and my interests. But in a nutshell, I'm an aspiring writer of paranormal chick-lit/romance. At the moment, I'm trying to shop around my first novel (which I've completed). I recently had an agent write back asking for the first 30 pages of my manuscript. I prompty sent them off to her after a night of anxious minutae editing and I'm now waiting (potentially up to 2 nerve-wracking months) to hear back from her, at which point she'll either ask to see more or tell me she's not interested. It's all very exciting, but also stressful. In order to keep myself from freaking out entirely, I've begun work on the sequel (I'm envisioning the first novel as the beginning of a series). I've already hit the 65 page mark on novel 2, and I'm getting psyched up to begin a really hot scene that's been lurking in the back of my mind ever since I finished the first book.