How the Federal Government F*%#@d Me in the New Year

Some of you are already very familiar with the ongoing financial saga of indentured slave (a.k.a humanities grad student) Mademoiselle Sparks. But what better way to start off the new year than to share all the details on how the federal government has already f*%#@d me for 2007!

Let us step back a month in time. In early December I learned, to my very great pleasure, that I had won a competitive dissertation fellowship at my university. The College of Liberal Arts and Sciences was only able to award 13 of these fellowships to grad students from across all the school's respective programs. I was the only person in my department to get one, and thus I was quite chuffed. The added advantage of this award ($5000) was that I would not have to teach in the spring. Instead, I could focus exclusively on completing my dissertation and graduating. Needless to say, this was almost too good to be true.

And indeed, that quickly proved to be the case.

I was soon informed by the financial aid office that receiving this award would decrease my federal loans. Even though I typically have a teaching assignment each semester I still need to take out loans to supplement my income--because honestly, I don't make enough money to live on. To say I was mildly apprehensive after hearing this news would be an understatement. Nevertheless, I rallied my spirits after speaking with one of the deans in charge of the fellowships who promised to look into reclassifying the award so it would not affect my aid.

Well, as soon as I got home on Sunday, what do I find waiting for me in my mailbox? Why, a letter from the financial aid office indicating not only would I not be receiving any aid this semester, but since I received this fellowship they re-evaluated my "need" and determined that I actually had to PAY THEM BACK MONEY FROM LAST BLOODY SEMESTER! Although this amount was relatively small ($214), I was still irate. I don't have $214 in extra cash just hanging around for these kinds of problems. Not only that, but I soon discovered that my fellowship was going to be taxed (f*%# you IRS!) and distrubuted in incremental payments (more like my standard paycheck).

I felt dirty. I felt like I was taken unawares (from behind I might add) while lying vaguely comatose from all the sugary and fatty comestibles I'd consumed over the holidays and unable to resist.

Of course, I then sent out a frantic email to the dean begging him to give me some final shred of hope to cling to. But alas, there is apparently no way the award can be re-classified that would incline the federal government to give me back my subsidized and unsubsidized loan money.

Now I am looking into either trying to apply for a graduate PLUS loan (which apparently works differently) or a small private loan from my bank. I am actively seeking feedback on these options. What do people recommend? What kind of experiences have you had with either? Are there any other loan alternatives that I'm unaware of?

I'm still reeling from being royally screwed by the Department of Education. Any words of wisdom or comfort would be greatly appreciated.