Surfing the Crimson Wave and other Menstrual Musings

I've always liked "surfing the crimson wave" as a euphemism for menstruation, as so memomorably articulated by Alicia Silverstone in the movie Clueless. Today I feel the need to talk about menstruation for a couple of reasons. First of all, I've always had a rather vexed relationship with the monthly visitor largely because, well, mine usually isn't quite that regular or predictable a visitor. I mean, if you at least know when it's coming then you can be prepared. But no, mine has always liked to act more like that one dodgy friend who just shows up unannounced and usually at the worst possible time.

Needless to say, I had problems with "irregularity" ever since I started my cycle at the age of 11. Then in undergrad I suddenly stopped getting the period for about six months. When I went to see the doctor at last she recommended putting me on the pill, and I figured that would be a good idea (to help regulate things) and be potentially convenient as well (should I get any romantic prospects). So I ended up staying on the birth control pill for about six years. Then this year all of a sudden my blood pressure was in the borderline high range and my doctor put me on a low dose of hydrochlorothiozide. But it wasn't really having much effect. Now, I'm not the healthiest person in the world, but I had been exercising a few days a week and watching my sodium and all that. We were a bit mystified as to why these efforts seemed to have no impact on my rising blood pressure. Then my doctor suggested I go off the pill to see if that helped. I was unaware of the fact, that among the many other side effects of taking the pill, high blood pressure is a risk.

But I felt very ambivalent about going off the pill. I wanted to fix the whole BP situation, but at the same time didn't know what my menstrual status was going to be like after going off of the one thing regulating it. Fortunately (or sadly depending on how you look at it), I didn't have to worry about getting rid of one method of birth control as my love life has been about as barren as the Sahara dessert.

So anyway, I went off the pill and after two months my blood pressure dropped and went back to normal. Problem solved, Sparks should no longer use the pill. But....

For the first two months, as the hormones slowly dissipated from my system I got my period. But the following month, nothing. The next month, again nothing. So come April I was despairing that I had returned back to the initial problem and had no idea how I was going to deal with it since the only real option for inducing periods is the pill. But then, toward the end of April--with no warning of any kind--the crimson wave arrived unnannounced. I was relieved. But the one thing about your period is that it's got a finite duration, and well...mine just kept going and going. Maybe it was because I skipped two months. I don't know. But when I hit day 12 of the never-ending period yesterday I was a tad freaked out. Normally a period lasts anywhere from 3-7 days. Fortunately, I woke this morning and it seems like the crimson wave has mostly abated. The end is nigh at last. I may go another few months with nothing, but at least I have the reassurance that I should eventually get it again. It just looks as though I'll never really know when to expect it...