Insane Freak Out Du Jour

I think this is roughly what I looked like earlier today when I discovered that I did not get any summer teaching. That's right, I'm now "officially" out of my meager 4 years of Ph.D. funding and there was no teaching to be had for lowly moi.

While I knew this was a possibility, it still freaked me the fuck out. Mostly because...uh...I have NO MONEY!!!! This is no joke people. And, of course, the irony of the situation is that I can't apply for summer financial aid because I don't get my tuition waver unless I'm teaching. So if I apply for aid, I have to pay full tuition costs, even though I'm not teaching, just to get money from the government. It's totally wack.

Consequently, I realized that I was going to have to scope out some alternative means of paying my rent (and evidently the summer supply of ramen I'm going to have to live on). I've tracked down a promising lead at the local community college which needs some summer adjuncts. I'm supposed to interview next week, but I'm stressed. First of all, I had to hastily send out desperate emails to committee members begging for letters of recommendation that I need by early next week. I hate having to be so last minute about this kind of thing--I like to give a good 3 weeks notice when possible. Secondly, I have major concerns about where the college will need me to teach. I don't have a car and if I can't get there by bus...well...I'm screwed. But I'm going to keep my fingers crossed and hope for a miracle. (Please, let it be accessible by public transit!)

This whole summer teaching incident has me worrying about fall as well, because if I can't get a teaching assignment then I'll be in REALLY big trouble. I'm supposed to be going on the job market and finishing my dissertation, but my financial straits are intruding in problematic ways. If nothing else, I'd say this situation has really nailed home the fact that I have to get a full time job and graduate next year. To do that, I still need to finish up my dissertation. I've been getting a lot of research and some good writing done lately, but what I really need is a nice spate of uninterrupted time to devote to it. But being able to stay above water financially has to be my first objective because I can't go stay with my parents and they aren't helping me out with any money. I'm all on my lonesome with this. And I have to admit, this is one of those moments when I think having a partner/S.O. would be really useful. *sigh* I MUST get out of here at the end of next year!

Now I have to finish up edits on a paper that I'm presenting at a conference in New Hampshire this weekend. I soooooo did not need this added stress right now. Not to mention the fact that next Tuesday is the last day of classes and I have to grade final papers and complete final grades.... ARGH!

Some days I think it will be a sheer miracle if I finish my Ph.D. without developing an ulcer....